you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
