i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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