By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
