Already got asked if we're dating
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
