As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize