HIV tests are more positive than that guy
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
