why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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