Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
zippers are such a cool invention
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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