mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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