Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
wow bdsm is so cute
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
