I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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