I heard we made out
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize