i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
