Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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