Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
