areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
