just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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