I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
