3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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