My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
