wanna go halves on a baby?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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