So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you win again, gameday.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Even my vagina gasped.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
