I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
