btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
