The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
