This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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