In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She announced her abortion via fbk
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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