If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
