He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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