also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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