I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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