No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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