wat bout pragnant strippers??
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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