ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
