Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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