i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
