Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This is the high leading the old right now
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
third nipple confirmed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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