Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
