I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
