I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
