So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
