The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
