She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
