One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
