There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
