just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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