I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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