where am i from again
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
