no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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