We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
