Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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