and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
