I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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