If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm getting married
To pizza
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
