First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
