Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
