After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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