4 words: hood of his car
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
