Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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