I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
