Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
