i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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