She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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