bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
