Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
