Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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