i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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