Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He better not be in your backpack
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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