I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
