My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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