just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
