He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
