We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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