You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
