you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Oh god it's open bar.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
