im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
